The “I’m Just Being Honest” : This type of person prides themselves on their blunt honesty, but there’s a thin line between being truthful and being hurtful. You’ve likely met them; they walk into a room, size you up with a quick glance, and deliver comments like, “Wow, you look exhausted—have you been sleeping?” or “That outfit is interesting; not everyone could pull that off.” The moment you show any hint of being affected, they defensively claim, “Whoa, don’t get mad—I’m just being honest.”
But here’s the truth: there’s a vast difference between being honest and being cruel, and these individuals know exactly what they’re doing. Their brand of “honesty” isn’t about being helpful; it’s about wielding control. They relish in making others feel insecure, then position themselves as the victim when challenged. They aren’t trying to help with their criticisms; they use honesty as a weapon to assert dominance and diminish others, making it more about power than truth.
I value genuine honesty. If my shirt doesn’t match my pant or I’m making a poor decision, I want person who will tell me. However, there’s a stark contrast between people who offer constructive feedback because they care and those who derive pleasure from making others feel inferior.
I once knew someone, let’s call her “Angel,” who wore her brutal honesty like a badge of honor. She believed that if people were offended by her comments, that was their problem. Once, while I was nervous about a job, she bluntly said, “To be honest, I don’t think you’re confident enough to succeed. You just don’t have the energy.” Her words stuck with me, sapping my enthusiasm. When I confronted her, her defense was, “I’m just being honest. Would you rather I lie?” It became clear she wasn’t trying to assist me; her goal was to undermine me, to be the most “truthful” person in the room even if it meant crushing others’ confidence. Ironically, she couldn’t handle receiving the same type of honesty she dished out. When given constructive feedback, she would erupt, because in her view, honesty was a one-way street.
The lesson here is simple: Not all honesty is constructive. True honesty should be beneficial, not hurtful—constructive, not destructive, and delivered with kindness, not spite. Those who weaponize honesty to tear others down don’t deserve your trust. They misuse truth as a tool for their own gain, not for mutual growth. So, the next time someone uses “I’m just being honest” as an excuse, ask yourself: Would they appreciate the same level of honesty in return? If the answer is no, then what they’re really doing isn’t honest at all—they’re just being mean, hiding behind a facade of honesty to mask their toxicity.